I've always adored the movie "The Shawshank Redemption". From the first time I saw that film, I've felt a connection with Andy Dufresne, but I could never quite pinpoint what it was about that character that drew me to him. As I watched the movie for the 100th or so time recently, I had quite the epiphany and finally understood why I was so enthralled with Andy and his unrelenting devotion to hope.
In the scene below, Andy and Red are having a very deep conversation. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out, but it dawned on me that this conversation was very similar to discussions I had had with myself many, many times before, as I struggled with my transition.
I realized that Andy is me, the me I am today. The wise, bright-eyed optimist that always sees hope and goodness, even in the face of the deepest despair. Someone that was able to escape and never let anything or anyone ever again keep me locked away from my dreams, my goals, my Zihuatanejo.
Red, on the other hand, was completely how I used to be...hopeless and imprisoned by fear. Scared, negative, and a total pessimist through and through. It wasn't until my Shawshank revelation that I realized how much like Red I was and how; like Red, once I opened my heart and my mind to my own Andy-like spirit and inspiration that without even really realizing it, I had done it. I had become the living, breathing epitome of "the phrase". That so simple to say, yet oh so very difficult to put into practice phrase..."Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'".
We all dream about being able to live OUR own lives, OUR own way. We'd love to be able to abandon our inhibitions, our fears and stop listening to that meddlesome little voice in our heads that says over and over, "Oh, there is no way you can do that". That voice; that fear keeps us locked in our own Shawshank. We're imprisoned by the fear of not being able to "make it on the outside". We basically become "institutionalized", like Red was, like I once was. Clinging to some bullshit commitment to self-imposed mediocrity. Thinking that I was somehow doing the right thing by just towing the line. Hearing over and over in my head that this is how it is, because Warden Fear says so. Because this is how all the other inmates are.
The scene below symbolizes where it finally happened for me. Where hope won out and where Gina finally convinced Sean to be true to thy self, to "come a little further" and realize that "hope and being true to myself was a good thing, the best of things; and no good thing ever dies." This is when the two halves of my soul were melded into one. This is when I escaped and became ME.
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Red's soliloquy on his enlightenment of hope shows that with an open heart and a willingness to throw caution to the wind, even the most cynical and hopeless of us can find ourselves finally too busy LIVING. It took Andy 20 years of digging at that wall, and what did he get for his patience, determination and HOPE? He broke free of his shackles and oppressors forever.
I'm living proof that hope is indeed a wonderful thing. Your own Zihuatanejo is out there waiting for YOU. Just know that you may have to crawl through a river of shit to get there, but it's so amazing how clean you will come out on the other side.
"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. That's goddamn right!"
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